guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
