I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
