dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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