I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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