I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
