i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize