dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
