He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
