Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize