are you still at the devil's house?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
