11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
