shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
