she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
