I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
