Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
