just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize