is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
