I want to have your abortion
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
