Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
