When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I had to cum in my sink.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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