you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
