i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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