Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
