Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
