You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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