I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
