Pappa wants mamma naked
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
