her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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