I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
