I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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