Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
