Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
