just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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