Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
