I think I won the penis lottery.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
