I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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