He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
