im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
