Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
