What a fucking waste of an outfit
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
