Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
