Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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