So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
