So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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