Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize