He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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