Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
