I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
