Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the day after is always just damage control
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
