is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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