i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
