my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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