I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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