420 ftw
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
