Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Found your dick twin last night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
