Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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