didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
