I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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