I need to stop coming to work sober
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
