We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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