Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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