....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
