Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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