the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
