Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
why do cheetos always look like penises
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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